I was going to blog about coffee tables today. But blogging about coffee tables when I'm feeling so connected with God just seemed wrong to me today.
Let me start by saying, I know not all of you follow my religion or beliefs and that is just fine. I believe we are all created for a reason and to follow the path that feels right to us.In fact, I used to be that person. Sort of just floating along in life, not really feeling connected to anyone or anything. While I have always been spiritual it wasn't until just about a year ago that I truly found God and decided to build a relationship with him.
It makes me sad that it took me so long to connect with him- but like I said before, I strongly believe he guides us through all stages of life. Even if we walk beside him or not.
I'm going to share something extremely personal today, because I feel connected to all of you. I believe that God's plan for me all along was to connect with people. I've been blogging for just about a year- but only really blogging and focusing on it for about 3 months. My life has been transformed in several ways. I know this sounds silly, and some people don't understand, but I feel as if I have found my calling. Not in decorating, or anything like that. But simply in just communicating with people. Communicating with you.
As a child, I would find myself seeking God when I was feeling fearful- or scared. When my parents were fighting or when I was seeing my Dad battle alcoholism and watching my Single Mom struggle to keep the electric on in one of our many apartments. I found myself praying for them. Even though God had never been apart of my life. My Mother had always expressed her belief but never pushed her thoughts on me. We never went to Church. When I was 12, a friend of my Mom's had asked her what I wanted for Christmas, and I remember telling her I wanted a Teen Bible.That was one of three gifts under the tree that year- but it was one of the only Christmases I remember in detail. Because I was extremely happy just to get that bible. I read it from cover to cover.
As I progressed through my teenage years, I let myself lose sight of who I was. I found myself drinking at a young age. Partying with my friends. Skipping school. Even though I knew this was not who I was. I stopped praying, and I stopped believing.
As a teen parent I struggled. I knew that I had to get back to who I was. I knew something had to change. I graduated high school, went on to College and at one point worked 2 jobs to help support our son. Nick was beside me this whole time of course. At the time, none of it made sense. But sitting back, and looking at it almost 15 years later, I get it.
I get that God's plan for me was to struggle and lose myself. Sometimes we need to loose ourselves to find out who we are. Sometimes we need to struggle so that we can appreciate what we have.
A little less then a year ago, I went to a routine doctors appointment.
I was told there was a 90% chance that I had cervical cancer. While cure-able, the word Cancer is terrifying. Terrifying to so many. As tests were scheduled and I went to several over the next few weeks, this is when I truly became connected with God.
I prayed to him daily. I didn't want to seem selfish, and I apologized for abandoning him and coming back in my time of need. I told him I needed him. I needed his comfort. As I sat crying on my knees on the edge of my bed, feeling scared and alone, wondering if I had done enough in my life, had I been the best Mom I could be? Have I given enough? Have I been a good wife? Friend? Daughter? Sister? And in that moment this huge warmth came over me, and in my head I heard, Laurie. YOU ARE ENOUGH.
It's giving me chills talking about this as I type. I immediately stopped crying. I stood up. I thanked GOD for being beside me all of this time. I prayed that whatever came of my test results, that I would just be strong enough to deal with the outcome. I knew it would be okay, because God was beside me.
As the weeks went on, and my doctor read the results of many tests, which came back negative for Cervical Cancer at the time (but gave me positive results for other things) I just knew that whatever happened, happened for a reason. It's all in Gods Plan for me. For all of us.
I realize this post sounds super preachy, but I can tell you that in my time of need, God was there for me. He wrapped me in his arms, embraced me and told me I was going to be okay.
Since then, I have learned to let him take the wheel when I'm feeling stressed, scared, anxious or alone. I have learned to speak to him when I'm going about my day to day chores. I have learned to let his kindness guide me as I journey through life. And God, I believe has lead me to blogging. To help me find myself, and other God Fearing women who can continue to encourage me, and guide me.
God is on my side, and well. That is good enough for me.
Thank you so much for being here, for not judging me and for letting me open up my heart to you. It truly means the world to me. I just love to hear from you! Let's chat on Instagram or you can leave a comment below.
Hope you all have a great day!