How I Found GOD after years of seeking him

I was going to blog about coffee tables today. But blogging about coffee tables when I'm feeling so connected with God just seemed wrong to me today. 

Let me start by saying, I know not all of you follow my religion or beliefs and that is just fine. I believe we are all created for a reason and to follow the path that feels right to us.In fact, I used to be that person. Sort of just floating along in life, not really feeling connected to anyone or anything. While I have always been spiritual it wasn't until just about a year ago that I truly found God and decided to build a relationship with him. 

It makes me sad that it took me so long to connect with him- but like I said before, I strongly believe he guides us through all stages of life. Even if we walk beside him or not.

I'm going to share something extremely personal today, because I feel connected to all of you. I believe that God's plan for me all along was to connect with people. I've been blogging for just about a year- but only really blogging and focusing on it for about 3 months. My life has been transformed in several ways. I know this sounds silly, and some people don't understand, but I feel as if I have found my calling. Not in decorating, or anything like that. But simply in just communicating with people. Communicating with you. 

As a child, I would find myself seeking God when I was feeling fearful- or scared. When my parents were fighting or when I was seeing my Dad battle alcoholism and watching my Single Mom struggle to keep the electric on in one of our many apartments. I found myself praying for them. Even though God had never been apart of my life. My Mother had always expressed her belief but never pushed her thoughts on me. We never went to Church. When I was 12, a friend of my Mom's had asked her what I wanted for Christmas, and I remember telling her I wanted a Teen Bible.That was one of three gifts under the tree that year- but it was one of the only Christmases I remember in detail. Because I was extremely happy just to get that bible. I read it from cover to cover.

As I progressed through my teenage years, I let myself lose sight of who I was. I found myself drinking at a young age. Partying with my friends. Skipping school. Even though I knew this was not who I was. I stopped praying, and I stopped believing. 

As a teen parent I struggled. I knew that I had to get back to who I was. I knew something had to change. I graduated high school, went on to College and at one point worked 2 jobs to help support our son. Nick was beside me this whole time of course. At the time, none of it made sense. But sitting back, and looking at it almost 15 years later, I get it.

I get that God's plan for me was to struggle and lose myself. Sometimes we need to loose ourselves to find out who we are. Sometimes we need to struggle so that we can appreciate what we have. 




A little less then a year ago, I went to a routine doctors appointment. 

I was told there was a 90% chance that I had cervical cancer. While cure-able, the word Cancer is terrifying. Terrifying to so many. As tests were scheduled and I went to several over the next few weeks, this is when I truly became connected with God. 

I prayed to him daily. I didn't want to seem selfish, and I apologized for abandoning him and coming back in my time of need. I told him I needed him. I needed his comfort. As I sat crying on my knees on the edge of my bed, feeling scared and alone, wondering if I had done enough in my life, had I been the best Mom I could be? Have I given enough? Have I been a good wife? Friend? Daughter? Sister? And in that moment this huge warmth came over me, and in my head I heard, Laurie. YOU ARE ENOUGH. 

It's giving me chills talking about this as I type. I immediately stopped crying. I stood up. I thanked GOD for being beside me all of this time. I prayed that whatever came of my test results, that I would just be strong enough to deal with the outcome. I knew it would be okay, because God was beside me. 

As the weeks went on, and my doctor read the results of many tests, which came back negative for Cervical Cancer at the time (but gave me positive results for other things) I just knew that whatever happened, happened for a reason. It's all in Gods Plan for me. For all of us. 

I realize this post sounds super preachy, but I can tell you that in my time of need, God was there for me. He wrapped me in his arms, embraced me and told me I was going to be okay. 

Since then, I have learned to let him take the wheel when I'm feeling stressed, scared, anxious or alone. I have learned to speak to him when I'm going about my day to day chores. I have learned to let his kindness guide me as I journey through life. And God, I believe has lead me to blogging. To help me find myself, and other God Fearing women who can continue to encourage me, and guide me. 

God is on my side, and well. That is good enough for me. 

Thank you so much for being here, for not judging me and for letting me open up my heart to you. It truly means the world to me. I just love to hear from you! Let's chat on Instagram or you can leave a comment below. 

Hope you all have a great day! 
XO

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16 comments

  1. Love your story and love your obedience to share your testimony ❤️️❤️❤️❤️

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  2. Thank you for listening to the promoting of the Holy Spirit and sharing your testimony. May God bless you in your obedience today and fill you with so much joy as you continue to Seek Him first in your life and family and blog. Continue to be bold for Him in your faith, Laurie. God is using you and has been with you and preparing you for such a time as this. Proud of you, girl!

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  3. I follow you on Instagram which lead me here. We have a similar story although my experience was different in situation; so much the same in the experience of finding God.... I just became a Christian about 5 years ago too. Although that sounds like a long time ago, it's a fresh today as it was in the beginning. I feel once we get to that point, we then go "deeper". Thank you for sharing... I cried reading it with that "me too" thought. Keep it up! You ARE enough and you are beautiful ❤️ Sisters in Christ ❤️ All for his great name!

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  4. Oh how scary! The word cancer just stops one in your tracks yes? I'm glad you found comfort in a time like that!

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  5. Thank you for sharing that Laurie! It made me a little emotional because the past two years I have been going through some rough times as well and finding God has truly helped me. When I hit rock bottom, I prayed and I'll never forget this day, what time of day, what I was doing, or the exact location I was when I heard a voice say "I'm here." I love your story and agree with everything you said. I wish the best for you and your family through whatever hardships you're currently facing ❤️

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  6. Laurie,
    Thank you so much for sharing with me & your other followers!! I am a firm believer that God is always with us through our journey. I have been feeling the same way lately like I am losing myself or my way. I find myself praying so much and I know this is the only thing that keeps me going and moving along. God reminds me constantly that my daughter needs me, she needs me sober and healthy! I too felt selfish bc I had stopped talking to God and praying and found myself only praying and talking to him when things would get rough... I feel better reading this as I know I am not alone... and you are not alone either but we will all get through this journey together with God. Stay blessed and may you always find comfort in the Lord and continue to share with us without hesitation. Last year was a hard one for me and I lost my best friend to a drug over dose. I asked my parents for a nice white bible like the one my grandmother had while I was growing up, they failed to gift me with this as I feel they have lost their faith in the Lord. Needless to say I purchased a bible for myself recently, although it was not the white one I recall it is a very nice bible. I obviously recently have found myself needing the lord and his guidance.

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  7. Thank you so much for sharing this! Your story brought me to tears. I too have struggled most of my life, fearing that I didn't have enough and wasn't enough all by myself. I too was spiritual but didn't quite feel connected to God the way others described it. Very recently, I finally recognised that my struggle with my self worth and body image had led to an eating disorder. I suffered with this most of my life and had always known something was off but I had no idea how to fix my situation. A few months ago I started working with an eating disorder coach and she has opened my eyes to so many areas of my life that I've withheld love and self acceptance because I didn't feel like I was enough. Through this journey I have finally found God. I feel more connected and accepted now than I have ever felt belore. And through all of this I believe I have heard the message of my calling too, that I am to help others accept themselves and to help them see that they are enough. Your post resonates with me and I know exactly what you mean about having that feeling when you have found your true calling. That's so special. Follow that, girl! Never let it go. You are so courageous for sharing your story with us, and just know that you are making a different just by being your beautiful, unique self.

    Xx Chiara

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  8. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story! I'm glad that God answered your prayers and now that's your testament to share with the world. What an awesome God we serve?!

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  9. Wow! God is good, all the time! I'm so glad you are willing to share your heart and your story. I don't know why we always wait to go to Him?! I do the same thing. I'm glad you found your way to back to Him and he has a plan. Have a beautiful Christmas!

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  10. Thank you for being so open and honest and truly sharing your heart about what God is doing in your life! What a testimony you have, and what a blessing it is to be able to share it! Thank you for sharing and for the great reminders of His goodness and love.

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  11. Thank you for sharing this. You are touching many hearts, including mine. God Bless you!!

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  12. Laurie, you are such a special person. Keep sharing Jesus and you're heart!!!

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  13. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I love your spirit and enjoy following your blogs and posts. God bless your family.

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  14. Laurie, Thank you for sharing your story and your love for our awesome God!! I foll W you on IG and love your insta-stories! We have a fixer upper as well and will be beginning on our remodel soon... one room at a time! Keep up the awesome work you do.

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  15. Laurie, thank you for sharing your story and your heart. Our God is awesome and I am so happy you turned to him. Cancer can be the most scary thing on earth and I could never imagine getting through even the "maybes" without God!

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